Nothing kills the taste of a nice brie like shame coating your tongue.
Shame is one of the lowest frequencies on the emotional scale. Spending time there - especially a lot of time - really, really blows. Because you know what doesn’t work when you’re hanging out in the energy of shame?
Anything. Anything at all.
If you’re telling yourself you’re bad and wrong because you haven’t achieved what you wanted to achieve or things haven’t worked out, you’re just anchoring yourself into future disappointment. Ask me how I know. Actually don’t. It’s embarrassing.
Let me tell you about yesterday’s epiphany:
I didn’t realize how much time I -hadn’t- been spending in shame until a fresh shame spiral hit. I remembered that feeling. I had spent so long in it for a few recent years that it was normal. It was life. It took finally lifting out of it to fully see how detrimental it is.
So I dropped into shame. There are reasons (my brain does love a good reason), including more alcohol over the weekend than I’m used to. (Alcohol can tank my brain chemistry.) I wasn’t even sure what was wrong, I just knew I hadn’t felt this way in awhile and I didn’t like it.
It wasn’t until Brandon said, “You’re in shame” that it clicked. (I am historically terrible at labeling feelings and emotional states.)
THAT’S what this feeling is. The feeling that I’m bad and I’ve been doing things wrong and I’m a failure - a feeling that can lampoon any other thing that might be happening in my brain or emotions.
The amount of shame I was in for a few years really explains a lot about why things weren’t going well for me. It’s impossible for things to go well when you’re locked in the lowest of low emotional frequencies.
When you try to work in shame, it’s a disaster. Mostly you don’t get anything done, which just racks up more reasons to feel shame. Sometimes I would get something done but only with epic amounts of frustration. Then I’d just have to redo it later. If I did manage to finish something on my to-do list, it’s would be so marinated in the energy of shame that it wouldn’t go anywhere. If it was a piece of writing, crickets. If it was something to do with my business, it drops into the void. And rightfully so. The world doesn’t need anything else steeped in shame.
So yesterday, I finally realized that trying to work in a shame spiral was pointless. So I decided to do some errands. Errands should be safe, right? WRONG.
Here’s how I learned not to do ANYTHING in a shame pit except do my best to feel better:
The store I needed - and went all the way downtown for - was closed. I forgot my library card. Here’s the kicker: To make myself feel better, I got some nice cheese and crackers.
BUT THE CHEESE DIDN’T TASTE GOOD.
It was from Whole Foods! I love cheese! Even terrible cheese is good cheese! But it didn’t taste good at all. Shame had blunted my tastebuds. I know this for sure, because I’m eating the same cheese now, when I feel pretty good, and it’s delicious.
Yesterday’s big lesson and the moral of my story: Do nothing in the energy of shame.
Just do whatever it takes to feel better. Do whatever it takes to shift your energy, your frequency, the way you’re thinking about yourself. Even if it means pressing reset on the day and watching a movie until bed time.